Before They Kill Your Dreams
We all face challenges on the way to our eventual success, and a lot of these challenges have to do with the negativity that comes from other people. At times, it seems to roll off of them in waves. Some people are more passive aggressive or indirect about voicing that negativity, while others are straightforward and to the point.
So what do we hear when we reach out to other people to talk about our missions in life and how we envision achieving success? How do we keep pressing forward through the negativity, with determination and grit? How do we apply the GudeJob principles -- gratitude, understanding, determination and enthusiasm -- in the face of withering criticism and negativity?
There are certain kinds of ‘flavors’ of negativity that we find as we talk to naysayers. Here are some of the most common negative influences you might encounter while on your mission for success and how you can turn these encounters into something positive that can be used to help you achieve your goals.
That Can’t Happen
I remember when I was trying to set up my own business. When discussing it with other people, some of the feedback I got was: “Isn’t that hard?” “Won’t it be a lot of work?” “What if you fail?” The reason they were so critical is because in their opinions, my goals just weren’t realistic. But I realized that their opinions were just that -- opinions. They didn’t mandate how I had to conduct myself. They were expressions of internalized ideas and had nothing to do with me personally or my goals, really.
Not Good Enough
Expressing a contrary opinion is one thing, but there is also a particularly toxic type of negativity, where someone is telling us that we personally cannot achieve something.
Again, these kinds of expressions come from someplace deep within people. They may have been hurt in the past, and they're looking to bring that hurt to someone else. They may have been inflated, narcissistic visions of themselves, and seek to bring other people down or keep them beneath their level. How we respond to this type of negativity makes all the difference. It’s a waste of time and effort to get involved in a mental tug-of-war in these types of situations, and that time and effort are better spent pressing forward toward your target. Instead, try:
- Calmly deflecting the conversation elsewhere
- Remembering that that person's view is biased and limited
- Refraining from retaliation, payback, and name-calling
- Being the better person and injecting some light into the relationship
In these ways, you’re better equipped to conquer the negative influences that come from personal bitterness and jealousy.
What About Me?
In some other cases, we encounter a curious kind of negativity that has to do with somebody not wanting to feel left behind. It's like the old saying “If I love someone, I’ll let them go.” But some people don't love someone else quite enough to want them to fly higher and eventually fly away.
How we deal with this type of negativity is also critical. It's all about interpersonal relationships. We can make these people feel loved, and let them know that we care about them, even as we are determined to press forward and do what we want to achieve our success in life.
I Won’t Let You
Sometimes negativity is based in concrete power relationships. One of the most common examples of this is a parental relationship -- some parents believe that by limiting their children's dreams, they're preparing them better for the future. Others just want to dominate and control their children.
When it comes to this power-grabbing type of negativity, it's important to stress the concrete reality that is in place. How much control does someone else really have over our lives? When will that control go away?
We can think about how all of this negativity can be met and conquered, and use these tools to help with filtering out that negativity as we try to hit our life targets.
Success
Instead of letting these negative views get me down, I decided that someone else's prior experience should not be my definition of how I want to live my life. So, how do I combat this type of negativity? I use the GudeJob principles to guide me.
- I’m grateful for the opinions I receive, even if I don’t agree with them. Approaching negative opinions from a perspective of gratitude allows me to see their sentiments as food for thought, and at times, they help me see and evaluate potential challenges that I haven’t previously considered.
- I try to understand where the other person is coming from, especially if he or she is speaking from experience. Knowing what worked or didn’t work for someone in the past is one thing, but truly understanding their successes and failures gives me new tools to apply so I can hit my target.
- With understanding and gratitude under my belt, I rely on my determination to achieve my goals, albeit at times with a different perspective than I had before. But by incorporating feedback, both negative and positive, and realigning my goals, I’m more determined than ever to seek success.
- I vocalize my enthusiasm for the project often, highlighting the reasons why I think it will be a success. Enthusiasm is contagious, and I find that people are more excited about my ideas when they see the passion behind them.
We all need encouragement throughout our lives. Try one of our I AM Pillows to encourage yourself or someone you care about today.
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